I passed through the awkward age of adolescence a long time ago. What exactly it means to be “mature,” I’m still not sure, but I do remember in my early teens affecting traits and trying out different personalities to try to figure out who I was going to be. And here I am doing it again.
Since my husband and I decided to follow our dreams, I often feel like I don’t really know what I’m doing. There is a map, I believe, designed from my experiences, talents, passions and personality that God has collaged upon my soul. It offers guidance, but I can only see it with my peripheral vision. If I look directly, it disappears. The experience of life I’m aiming for is out there. I know that writing and painting are parts of it, as are my love for animals and my desire to make deep connections with others. I know what I value and I know how I want to spend my days. It’s a matter of putting it all together in a way that will positively change the lives of those I touch, while figuring out how to earn enough money to do so. Once again I’m trying different ways of living and testing my own boundaries on the way to figuring out what my life is going to be. Rather than the adolescence of life, this is the adolescence of living life intentionally.
I get a sense sometimes, as I did when I was a teenager, of the “adults” smiling knowingly while I stumble along. The difference is this time I’m smiling too. There are definitely fears, frustrations and mis-steps, but I can be more objective and intentional. This is journey of my life. I’m going to trust that despite the bogs, the map is leading me somewhere beautiful.