I was listening to an episode of the Gold Medal Bodies podcast about neurolinguistic programming when it suddenly hit me: There is nothing wrong with me. I was thunderstruck. Seriously? I’ve spent all these years – my whole life – trying to be more, to do better, to emulate this person or follow that book, always under the presumption that I was not enough, that I needed to be improved. While many of those goals might have been worthy, they were all misguided. They were approached from the mindset of a failure – I’m not pretty enough. My paintings aren’t good enough. I’m not outgoing enough. I had already lost all those races and was simply trying to catch up. But who or what deemed me a failure? Whose criteria was I trying to meet and how would I know if I did? Can I ever win this race?
Somehow I became a paper doll. I cut out the outfits, folded the little paper tabs and hung this or that costume on trying to BE this, to achieve that.
“I am afraid that in the coming world the angels will not ask me, ‘Why weren’t you more like Moses?’ They will say, ‘Zusya, why were you not more like Zusya?'”
— Rabbi Zusya
The fact is that I am. I am. I was created and I exist. Like a seashell, after being tumbled around by life, I’ve fractured a few times and worn away in places until I’ve become a grain of sand. But every grain of sand retains the essence of the original and is still unique – still beautiful, if you take the time to really see. As we all are.
There is nothing wrong with you. You are perfectly you in whatever form you choose to take. And it is a choice. It’s a choice you have to make consciously day by day, moment by moment, until the habit of conformity is broken. It will take time, but I’m choosing to be the true me more often. Perfectly me. It’s all I ever really was and everything I ever need be.